Being Strong

So I know I haven't been around (the blog) much lately, which most likely comes as no surprise. But I'm just going to jump right into life right now.

I know blogs are supposed to be something where you can share any and all thoughts you want to, almost like a diary..... but that's on the Internet.... that anyone can read... including creepers... But that's not what worries me about sharing my feelings. It worries me that my family reads my blog. Not that I'm not open and honest with them about things because I am. But I don't like them to know when I'm feeling weak. I don't like them to worry about me. (But just so everyone is clear, I am allowed to worry about them!)

I remember when Ray and I came home (Missouri) for Christmas and it felt so good to be back surrounded by my family and friends. I truly didn't want that time to end and it was so incredibly hard for me to say goodbye. As I choked back my tears, I knew that people were looking to me to be strong. I feel like that was the first lesson of dating someone in the military - you have to be strong. It's something that we no longer have any choice about. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm expected to be strong. So when Ray and I stopped in Kentucky for the night at my brother and sister-in-laws house, my "strength" was nearly completely broken when my nephew reluctantly gave Ray and I  hug goodbye and he very adamantly said "No! No!!" not wanting us to leave. It almost broke my heart. I was tired of having to be strong and say goodbye to my loved ones.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I realized how lucky I am to have the family I do, but I know it was some time in college. I am truly blessed beyond words. And now I'm getting a little off topic.

Often times life has been compared to a book, so I'll stick with that illustration (haha, get it, illustration!! Ok, ok... lame I know!) We have many chapters in our lives, and right now I'm beginning the "Deployment" chapter. I reeeeeeally want to skip this chapter, or skim through it, or do something to make it go by faster. Ray has only been gone a short while, and already I feel weak. I'm generally feeling good and strong and happy and cheerful during the day, but at night I feel exactly the opposite. All I want to do is curl up and watch a movie with my hubby. Hey, I'd even take him falling asleep on the floor in front of me. I just want it to be done and over with.

But I can't let myself think like that. I have to look at this situation and know our relationship will be stronger having gone through this. I have to remember my goals for myself while he is away. And I have to kick this deployment's butt.

One of my goals during this time is to blog more - please don't hold your breath because we all can see my history or blogging (or lack there-of). But also, please know that I am always striving to remain strong and positive on the outside, even if the inside of me is the exact opposite. Fake it til you make it right?

I'm not going to end this blog on a sad note, because frankly that's no fun at all! So here you go! This always makes me giggle :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YQpbzQ6gzs

Sending my love,
~Suzanne

Husband down! (Asleep that is, hehe!)

Hello alllllll!!! Well, Husband has fallen asleep on the floor yet again. This has actually become almost a nightly ritual. He's either on the floor or on the couch. But I still think it's adorable because he doesn't go to bed without me (since I'm a night owl). I guess that's one of the ways we make compromises.

I heard (who knows when and where) that you shouldn't go to bed without your significant other. And, generally speaking we abide by this "rule." When Hubby doesn't fall asleep on the floor or couch and decides to go to bed, I generally try to go to bed with him as well - even if it means I'm laying awake in bed for, what seems like, hours. And likewise, Hubby will also lay in bed with me on weekend mornings, or at least he does until he gets too uncomfortable. Unlike me, he is a morning person. His normal body clock is set to wake up at about 6:30 am, but he can fall back to sleep for maybe an hour before getting restless. See - compromise :)

I guess lately I've just really been appreciating all the little things Ray does or says. I want to remember every teeny tiny little detail while he's gone (does that sound creepy??? if it does... who cares!). I think this mindset is a complication of Ray gearing up for deployment and military support sites. Confused? Let me explain.

I am a member of one military support group in particular (but without naming names) that can be the most helpful and support bunch of women you will ever come across in your life. Other times, the nearly 3,000 women's opinions can be.... overwhelming. Oh there is plenty of drama for any reality tv show junkie to witness, so that's exactly what I look at it like - my own reality-Facebook-group-show. The girls are free to voice their opinions about anything, ask questions, seek guidance from others, and have all around support. But with that many girls, obviously not every one is going to see eye to eye, hence where the drama comes in.

So, like I said, with girls free to post about anything, I think often times they use it as their personal diary. They complain about what their husbands are doing, what they're not doing, what they used to do that they no longer do, etc. Now granted, some of these girls have very serious issues with all different kinds of abuse or neglect or heath issues or what have you. But I see all too many times where girls go on the site and just complain about their husband, or their in-law or this or that. As many times as I've seen it, I just can't help but be thankful for what God has given me. I have a supportive, loving husband who makes me laugh hysterically on a daily basis. I have a wonderful family, one that I was born into and one that I married into. And even though there are times where I am upset at someone/thing or another, why on earth would I complain to hundreds of girls "what my husband did!!"

I guess that's another thing I was told along the way - do not discuss your arguments between you and your husband with your mother (or insert other family member). So how do these women think this is okay? I don't know.... I guess I'm just too much of an old fashioned person to think that you keep your personal problems personal. Don't get me wrong, if there are serious issues to be addressed, go get help people! But speaking in generalizations.

Moral of the story... I like to ramble. Second moral of the story, I love all the little moments I get to share with my husband and I hope that when I've been married 60 years, I'll still remember them.

Ok, Ray has officially woken up enough to go to bed, so off I go! Thanks for listening/reading!! Sending my love!!

~Suzanne

Pictures!!!

So I've been wanting to write on here, but I really don't have that much to say.... so how about some pictures? Ok!!! (Just so you know you can click on the picture to see the enlarged version)

1st wedding anniversary!! We went to sushi then settled down and watched a movie :)

Ahhh! Mollie Gross came to Cherry Point!!

And she was absolutely HILARIOUS!

And I got my book signed and a pic snapped :)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

New Background Time!

Friends and Family,

If you have come across my blog before I have finished its "face-lift" please excuse the mess. I swear I have to relearn how to put things how I want them each time I get a new background. Will update soon!!

Fall is here!

Oh I am so happy fall is finally here! I love the cooler weather, all the leaves changing colors (and I have a beautiful pair of brown boots I am eyeing!!) and all the holidays that come with it. Obviously, Halloween has come and gone, but fall is definitely still in the air here in eastern NC. While some people are eagerly Christmas shopping, I still like to remember Thanksgiving!

I am so excited for Thanksgiving this year as we will be going to Kentucky to meet up with my parents, sister, and my brother and his family. Ugh, I am so unbelievably ready for not only Thanksgiving itself, but to see my family!!! The last time I have seen my family was in May, and yes, time has gone by quite fast, I still miss them terribly. Luckily, I will get to spend almost 4 days with them!!

So... obviously, I have changed my blog to better represent the season. And in a way, it is also very representative of how I have been feeling lately. I need a change. A change of pace, a change of activities, a change of hairstyle or something!! In all seriousness, I have been really trying to figure out what God's plan is for me and how he want me to use my 'talents' if you will. I have my own ideas, but I am trying to keep in mind those are only the things that I want, and not necessarily what God wants for me. One thing that I struggle with is that I thought I was supposed to figure this out in college - that's why you go to college right? To search and find ways to use the talents God gave you and use them to the best of your ability. To choose the career path that best serves Him. Well... I don't know what that is, and I've been done with school for almost a year now. What am I supposed to be doing? What is His plan?

And in the meantime, while I try to make my eyes and ears ready for his response... I try to keep busy. Today, Ray and I raked leaves! And I will gladly insert a picture to show you how many there were! And what better reference to use than the Mini!

The 236th Marine Corps Birthday Ball was this past Monday for Ray's squadron. We had an okay time... not as good as last year, but I'm chalking that up to a bad DJ and not knowing as many people as I did the year before.

Let's see... Oh! We also made a trip to Chicago, IL (ok, well outside Chicago) a couple weeks ago for one of Ray's friend's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and we had an amazing time!! Congrats Nate and Kelly!! (I am aware the pic is fuzzy... but I like it! hehe!)

As of right now, that's all we've been up to as of lately (and I'm not going to summarize the past nearly 3 months that I have failed to blog - mostly just work and auto-x). But auto-x is coming to a close for the season next weekend and then the next weekend is Thanksgiving!!! AHHHH!! I'm so happy!!

 So that's it for now! All my love :)

Thought I'd include a picture of our Jack-O-Laterns this year. Guess you can't guess who carved which one ;)

Went for a drive today. We were just waiting for the ferry :)

My first hurricane - Ms. Irene

Well, we survived. Obviously... I'm writing this! But seriously... here is how the past several days went:

Wednesday
Talk of the coming hurricane was growing, and we decided tonight was the night to buy our supplies. I don't remember exactly what Ray and I did that day, only that we were both very busy, and I didn't go to Wal-Mart until about 9:00 that night. (And for those of you who do not know, since I've started working, I'm basically worthless by 10 pm.) I was starting to get a little worried that night so I was rushing around, making sure we had everything, and didn't end up going to bed until around 12 am.

Thursday
I was wanting to leave town. Seriously, by the time I got off work on my way home, I was ready to pack up everything and hit the road. I listened to the radio on the way home and freaked out enough for the both of us. All I saw on my way home was trucks hauling trailers and boats the opposite direction I was driving. I didn't want to have to worry about the water, the wind, the electricity, flooding, etc. Basically, I was scared. Ray was being logical and saying we were going to be fine, he's been through this before, it wasn't looking like it was going to be that bad, etc. (and it ended up, he was completely right).  However, Ray reassured me we would put plywood over the windows and everything would be ok.

Friday
It was a strange feeling going to work that day. I didn't know if I would work a full day or not, but I went in expecting to work all day. At about 11:30, my boss asked if anyone had gotten the mail yet (I usually get it on my lunch break around 2:00), and asked me to go ahead and get it. By the time I got back to the office, the rugs had been taken up off the floor, along with the electronics and everything was unplugged. Apparently we were leaving early! I ran the last few errands of the day and then the office closed up around 1:00. Now that was a strange drive home! Seeing "Hurricane Evacuation in Progress" on the electronic boards on the highway was a little eerie, especially considering I was heading east...

But, there was good news. Irene was now a category 2, as opposed to a category 3 like they had been predicting. We were just praying it stayed more east.

Now, here is where I get a little frustrated... Ray was supposed to be getting plywood from someone at work. Ray goes over to this guy's house around 4:30, and helps him some, then goes to pick up a buddy from the airport and take him to his house in New Bern, then has to come back to Havelock. By the time Ray gets home, it's beginning to get dark, has already been raining and the wind is starting to pick up. But the worst thing is that I can see Ray's frustration when the guys bring the plywood into the garage. Basically, it's crap and we'd only be able to cover one window with it. Here's what just plain ticks me off - Ray is one of the most giving people I know. He gives of his time, his effort, his hard work, to help someone - anyone. And what does he get in return. "Well... this is all there was." In a time where people should be coming together to help each other, people are just being rude and self-centered. I know for a fact, that if Ray and I had gotten plywood and someone would have asked if we could pick up some for them (because they don't have a truck or a way of hauling it) he would have said "no problem" and then he would help put it on. And if there wasn't hardly any left, he would have split it 50/50, even giving them the better pieces. Ok, vent over.

So ANYway... by the time we get things figured out how we could possibly use the plywood, we basically just say "meh" to the whole thing and decide against covering our windows in the rain and wind. Instead, I go inside, make beef stroganoff for dinner, muffins for breakfast for Saturday, and have a movie night.

Saturday
We wake up around 7:00 to more rain and wind. Still, nothing too terrible, but we have no power. We turn on the radio to find out what's happening with Irene. It ends up making landfall about 7:30 on Ocracoke Island as a category 1, so we didn't end up getting it too bad. In fact, throughout the day, the news kept reporting it was horrible, and destructive.... but quite frankly, it wasn't that bad. Now, let me say this: I have heard New Bern has had a lot of water, but New Bern doesn't drain very well to begin with because it's built up so much, annnnnnd it's on the river. Anyway... Saturday consisted of several naps and severe boredom. You don't know how addicted you are to something until it's taken away - internet. But, it was actually nice to spend quality time with the hubby. And bonus... Magma was extra lovey! We did get a little cabin fever and we headed out in town while there was a lull later that evening. We saw some downed trees and some flooded ditches, but nothing too terrible. Nonetheless... the media still played it up to be way worse than it was - I promise, Dad!!

Oh, haha... I almost forgot the best thing.... When the wind started blowing in from the west, it started blowing in water through the vents on the outside of the house. This meant we had water dripping from our bathroom in our bedroom, our front bathroom, above our pantry in the kitchen, and best of all... the bubble of water that was in between the paint and the wall (and yes, I will include that picture). We lost a couple singles, but other than that, everything was fine :)

Sunday
We woke up to a beautiful morning! Not a cloud in the sky, but still no power. Ray and I picked up some limbs and then started raking the yard. With the two of us, it took hardly any time at all. We talked to a couple of our neighbors (who have generators by the way... which we are thinking about making an investment in) after we were done. The power ended up coming back on a little before noon today. Which is awesome because we had heard it could be off for 3-7 days. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU ELECTRICIAN PEOPLE!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!

Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. We know we are very lucky and I thank God he protected us from what could have been a very dangerous situation. And now... what you've been waiting for... the water bubble:

I haven't shared any pictures in a while, so I thought I would include some :) I'll actually write later, but it's already past my bedtime and I still need to do a few things around the house. so... pictures will have to suffice. Loves to all!!

Magma and I on my birthday. My wonderful hubby got me clipless bike pedals and shoes (not in the giant box) and "Confessions of a Military Wife" - a book that was lovingly taped to the bottom of the giant box, hehe!

We have a mini! And not just a toy one - a real one!!