Being Strong

So I know I haven't been around (the blog) much lately, which most likely comes as no surprise. But I'm just going to jump right into life right now.

I know blogs are supposed to be something where you can share any and all thoughts you want to, almost like a diary..... but that's on the Internet.... that anyone can read... including creepers... But that's not what worries me about sharing my feelings. It worries me that my family reads my blog. Not that I'm not open and honest with them about things because I am. But I don't like them to know when I'm feeling weak. I don't like them to worry about me. (But just so everyone is clear, I am allowed to worry about them!)

I remember when Ray and I came home (Missouri) for Christmas and it felt so good to be back surrounded by my family and friends. I truly didn't want that time to end and it was so incredibly hard for me to say goodbye. As I choked back my tears, I knew that people were looking to me to be strong. I feel like that was the first lesson of dating someone in the military - you have to be strong. It's something that we no longer have any choice about. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm expected to be strong. So when Ray and I stopped in Kentucky for the night at my brother and sister-in-laws house, my "strength" was nearly completely broken when my nephew reluctantly gave Ray and I  hug goodbye and he very adamantly said "No! No!!" not wanting us to leave. It almost broke my heart. I was tired of having to be strong and say goodbye to my loved ones.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I realized how lucky I am to have the family I do, but I know it was some time in college. I am truly blessed beyond words. And now I'm getting a little off topic.

Often times life has been compared to a book, so I'll stick with that illustration (haha, get it, illustration!! Ok, ok... lame I know!) We have many chapters in our lives, and right now I'm beginning the "Deployment" chapter. I reeeeeeally want to skip this chapter, or skim through it, or do something to make it go by faster. Ray has only been gone a short while, and already I feel weak. I'm generally feeling good and strong and happy and cheerful during the day, but at night I feel exactly the opposite. All I want to do is curl up and watch a movie with my hubby. Hey, I'd even take him falling asleep on the floor in front of me. I just want it to be done and over with.

But I can't let myself think like that. I have to look at this situation and know our relationship will be stronger having gone through this. I have to remember my goals for myself while he is away. And I have to kick this deployment's butt.

One of my goals during this time is to blog more - please don't hold your breath because we all can see my history or blogging (or lack there-of). But also, please know that I am always striving to remain strong and positive on the outside, even if the inside of me is the exact opposite. Fake it til you make it right?

I'm not going to end this blog on a sad note, because frankly that's no fun at all! So here you go! This always makes me giggle :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YQpbzQ6gzs

Sending my love,
~Suzanne

Husband down! (Asleep that is, hehe!)

Hello alllllll!!! Well, Husband has fallen asleep on the floor yet again. This has actually become almost a nightly ritual. He's either on the floor or on the couch. But I still think it's adorable because he doesn't go to bed without me (since I'm a night owl). I guess that's one of the ways we make compromises.

I heard (who knows when and where) that you shouldn't go to bed without your significant other. And, generally speaking we abide by this "rule." When Hubby doesn't fall asleep on the floor or couch and decides to go to bed, I generally try to go to bed with him as well - even if it means I'm laying awake in bed for, what seems like, hours. And likewise, Hubby will also lay in bed with me on weekend mornings, or at least he does until he gets too uncomfortable. Unlike me, he is a morning person. His normal body clock is set to wake up at about 6:30 am, but he can fall back to sleep for maybe an hour before getting restless. See - compromise :)

I guess lately I've just really been appreciating all the little things Ray does or says. I want to remember every teeny tiny little detail while he's gone (does that sound creepy??? if it does... who cares!). I think this mindset is a complication of Ray gearing up for deployment and military support sites. Confused? Let me explain.

I am a member of one military support group in particular (but without naming names) that can be the most helpful and support bunch of women you will ever come across in your life. Other times, the nearly 3,000 women's opinions can be.... overwhelming. Oh there is plenty of drama for any reality tv show junkie to witness, so that's exactly what I look at it like - my own reality-Facebook-group-show. The girls are free to voice their opinions about anything, ask questions, seek guidance from others, and have all around support. But with that many girls, obviously not every one is going to see eye to eye, hence where the drama comes in.

So, like I said, with girls free to post about anything, I think often times they use it as their personal diary. They complain about what their husbands are doing, what they're not doing, what they used to do that they no longer do, etc. Now granted, some of these girls have very serious issues with all different kinds of abuse or neglect or heath issues or what have you. But I see all too many times where girls go on the site and just complain about their husband, or their in-law or this or that. As many times as I've seen it, I just can't help but be thankful for what God has given me. I have a supportive, loving husband who makes me laugh hysterically on a daily basis. I have a wonderful family, one that I was born into and one that I married into. And even though there are times where I am upset at someone/thing or another, why on earth would I complain to hundreds of girls "what my husband did!!"

I guess that's another thing I was told along the way - do not discuss your arguments between you and your husband with your mother (or insert other family member). So how do these women think this is okay? I don't know.... I guess I'm just too much of an old fashioned person to think that you keep your personal problems personal. Don't get me wrong, if there are serious issues to be addressed, go get help people! But speaking in generalizations.

Moral of the story... I like to ramble. Second moral of the story, I love all the little moments I get to share with my husband and I hope that when I've been married 60 years, I'll still remember them.

Ok, Ray has officially woken up enough to go to bed, so off I go! Thanks for listening/reading!! Sending my love!!

~Suzanne

Pictures!!!

So I've been wanting to write on here, but I really don't have that much to say.... so how about some pictures? Ok!!! (Just so you know you can click on the picture to see the enlarged version)

1st wedding anniversary!! We went to sushi then settled down and watched a movie :)

Ahhh! Mollie Gross came to Cherry Point!!

And she was absolutely HILARIOUS!

And I got my book signed and a pic snapped :)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

New Background Time!

Friends and Family,

If you have come across my blog before I have finished its "face-lift" please excuse the mess. I swear I have to relearn how to put things how I want them each time I get a new background. Will update soon!!